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7 Days! Ranking the ‘Ring’ Films

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THE RING

“Before you die, you see…The Ring!”

Long black hair. Pale white skin. CREEPY. ASS. GHOST. GIRL. CAGG for short. These words could describe numerous entries into the J-Horror craze that washed upon our shores in the early 00’s. The post-Scream slasher phase was waning, and Hollywood needed something new to drive into the ground. Enter, The Ring (2000), Gore Verbinski’s take on the cult original was a massive success that launched a wave of increasingly less successful Asian horror remakes. For those unaware, the films tell the story of a CAGG by the name of Sadako/Samara, depending on country of origin, who will come for you 7 days after you’ve watched a cursed VHS tape. Today we’ll be ranking 6 of the films in the series from the Japanese Ringu to the horrid American sequel, The Ring Two.

Rings, the third American film, is set to return the vengeful Samara to cinemas this Friday, Feb 3rd. The franchise has laid dormant inside of a VCR for nearly 12 years after the stinker that was The Ring Two. You may have gathered enough context clues to guess where that particular entry falls on this list. With a whopping total of 12 features that span varied continuities and include several remakes across different countries, is there any story left to tell? And of those many adaptations, which ones are worth seeking out?

I won’t rank ALL 12 films as obviously Rings has yet to be released. Plus, 12 is just a hell of lot to cram into one weekend binge-fest. I’ll be focusing on 6 entries in the Ring saga. To explain my choices, I will obviously be including the two American productions. From Japan, Ringu, Ringu 2, and Ringu 0: Birthday are represented for being what truly started it all. They also exist within their own continuity, the “Hideo Nakata Timeline”.

I’ll then take a hop and a skip over the “Rasen Timeline” which includes the two Sadako 3D films. We’ll then bypass the original TV adaptation and South Korean remake. Deep breath. Still with me? Good, because Sadako vs Kayako is the last film that will be in the running. I tacked this on because I want to see it and it just launched on Shudder, so…there’s that logic. Deal with it.

How do these 6 films stack up? Does Japan really do Sadako better than America does Samara? Does my opinion even matter to you? Keep reading to find out!


#6 THE RING TWO (2005)

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True story, I was 19 and just picked up a second job at a multiplex. I started the night The Ring Two came out. They were so busy that they stuck me with a 16 year old to “show me the ropes”. All he did was order me to walk through auditoriums. I had no idea what I was looking for.

The first screening I was to “check” was a packed house for The Ring Two. I walked in to see Samara clawing her way out of the well up on the massive screen. I was so jealous. This movie was going to be amazing. I mean, they brought Hideo Nakata in to direct. It was going to be so scary, and I was missing out.

Then my 16 year old supervisor told me to go walk through a different screening. I quit, picked up a friend, and off we went to see The Ring Two at a different theater. While I totally would’ve quit that job anyway, it wasn’t necessarily worth doing it for The Ring Two.

I wonder how much of this film’s failure falls on Nakata’s shoulders. It doesn’t fit in Nakata’s oeuvre in any way, shape, or form as we know it. One tell-tell sign is the editing. There are numerous “look what we can do with Final Cut” moments of sped-up, slowed down, jarring cuts that just don’t fit. They scream studio meddling. Throw in plenty of poor CGI, a script that is nothing but a loose collection of soggy scares, and you have yourself a terribly forgettable sequel. Kick this one to the bottom of the well and seal it shut!


#5 RINGU (1998)

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Full disclosure: I anticipate getting annihilated by daring to leave this film so low on the list. I understand why people love it, but it doesn’t fully work for me. Plus, I saw Verbinski’s remake before getting around to the original. I’m sure my previous knowledge of how it would all play out factored into my overall impression of Ringu. I decided to start my weekend binge-fest here, to go in with fresh eyes. My opinion didn’t change much.

Don’t get me wrong, Nakata’s simplistic staging and the subdued score allow for several goosebumps. My main complaint, however, is what an exposition bomb the film is. Just as tension begins to build we’re given another scene of our two leads hypothesizing and making huge leaps in logic to come to their next conclusion.

While Hiroyuki Sanada (Helix, The Wolverine) as Ryūji brings his typical quiet strength to the role of the brooding and handsome ex with overly convenient psychic abilities, Nanako Matsushima’s Reiko is far from compelling as our heroine. Surprisingly, in a rare case of original foreign film versus American remake, there seems to be a desperate need to over explain everything to the audience. This carries all the way to the ending where voice-over reiterates everything just in case you missed it.

And some of the major fright set-pieces fall flat. Take the penultimate scene where our heroes discover the well. This had the potential to be a terrifying highlight (as in Ringu 2, The Ring) but is squandered by absurd character actions. If you believed you only had hours to live and that discovering Sadako’s body at the bottom of the well would break the curse, why spend so much time trying to bail out the water? Just get your hands down there and dig! I’m all for characters making dumb choices for the sake of suspense, but this was too much. It ripped me right out of the moment.

Nonetheless, Ringu isn’t a total wash. At the film’s core is a quality mystery that sets up an intriguing mythology for the following entries to build upon. There’s strong subtext about the fears and anxieties of motherhood that does get a bit lost in the remake. The scares just don’t hold up as well here as in some of the other films.


#4 RINGU 2 (1999)

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This is a tough one. On one hand, there’s hardly any forward momentum for the story or any deepening of the cursed tape’s mythology. We do get a couple more characters “touched” by the curse who now have their own convenient psychic abilities. Their visions ultimately shed some new light on Sadako’s backstory. Unfortunately, the info provided doesn’t really add to the experience in any meaningful way.

In spite of the threadbare script, I can’t help but dig this entry. There’s an overwhelming sense of dread that never lets up and numerous scary moments that left me clutching for my pearls. After the original sequel, Rasen, failed to garner the same success as its predecessor, Hideo Nakata was brought back to direct an alternate follow up. Thus the reason we now have two different timelines for the series.

Nakata shows a sure hand from frame one, never allowing the audience up for air. Even the bits of humor sprinkled throughout are so dry and off-kilter they hardly serve to dissipate the tension. Thankfully the over abundance of exposition from the previous film is abandoned here for a barrage of nightmarish visuals. Our lead heroine is a much stronger character even without much to do, and the scares are effectively peppered throughout to keep up the pace. Look out for the finale that returns us to the depths of Sadako’s well; it’s nerve-shredding stuff. Ringu 2 is deeply flawed in many ways, but the chills it elicits are enough to earn this spot on the list.


#3 SADAKO VS KAYAKO (2016)

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What a blast! When Sadako vs Kayako was announced, I rolled my eyes. However, I knew I would check it out the first chance I had. I couldn’t wrap my head around how these two J-horror titans were supposed to duke it out. Neither one has ever really been about that life, ya know? They just sort of show up and BAM! You’re dead. Flash forward to now, I just finished this wackadoodle film and am thoroughly surprised by how much fun it was.

First off, this is a goofy idea and the filmmaker knows that. The main plot involves two girl’s stumbling upon Sadako’s cursed tape and trying to figure out a way to save their asses before their 2(!) days are up. Yep, the time limit isn’t the only bit of mythology changed here. Even the tape itself is now incredibly uninteresting, featuring nothing but Sadako stumbling through a door, moving closer to camera. Sure, these alterations could turn off some of the die-hards, but the movie never takes itself too seriously. There’s a lot that’s played for laughs, and it’s best you just go with it.

On the flip side of the coin, the Ju-on plot-thread (however thin it may be) is straight up Scares-ville. The scenes inside the dilapidated Grudge house are one well staged fright after the other. I was yelping and screaming with every “meow” and distant death rattle.

When the two finally come to blows, it’s truly outrageous. The screenwriter does just enough to work out a decent reason for them to attack one another. While a lot of criticism has stated the fight last for only a few brief moments, and they’re correct, it was enough to satiate my appetite. The scenes are visually amazing with CAGG hair flying all over the place. In fact, the effects throughout the the entire film are crazy. They come right out of the Screaming Mad George playbook of surreal design. Although I couldn’t find anything online as to who actually did the effects. Hit me up if you know.

I’d say Sadako vs Kayako is a prefect party film. It’s not unnerving like any of their respective predecessors, but it will leave you laughing and squealing like an anime schoolgirl. If a sequel comes about from this, you can sign me up.


#2 RINGU 0: BIRTHDAY (2000)

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Wow. Other than Sadako v Kayako, this was the only film on the list I hadn’t seen yet. I’d put it off for so long, because it’s a prequel/origin story. When it comes to our legendary screen monsters and psycho killers, most times the less we know tends to be far scarier than the imagined backstories. So, yeah, Ringu 0 was never that high on my “must see” list. What a mistake that was.

I appreciate the film isn’t concerned with bending over backwards to fill in the gaps from previous movies or trying to explain away every detail. By the time the credits roll, there are still plenty of questions to be answered and even some new ones at that. Director, Norio Tsuruta (Premonition) stepping in for Nakata, is far more interested in delivering a compelling character drama. Sadako’s story is touching, heartfelt, romantic, and tragic.

The cinematography is absolutely gorgeous. There’s a constant palette of deep browns, creamy whites, and dark shadows creeping around the edge of every frame. The score is amazing but at odds with the previous films. The music on display is much more traditional, bombastic orchestral fare which suits the different type of storytelling utilized here. Production values overall are head and shoulders above the first two entries.

Yeah, I’m sure you may have read that and thought “is this a horror movie or what?” Well, mostly, no. This film instantly brought to mind Carrie and earns that comparison through to almost the very end. Right from the start Sadako warrants our empathy. She’s awkward, an outcast, and we just know that nothing here will end well. This version of the character is the polar opposite of what we’ve been primed to expect. And, yes, there is an interesting explanation as to why this is.

Ringu 0 isn’t all melodrama. The final act does deliver on the horror goods in ways you might not expect; I felt like I was watching a Friday the 13th clone during one sequence. The great news is that once the proverbial “s” hits the fan, Ringu 0 delivers. Color me thoroughly surprised by this one, and I highly recommend checking it for those who may have let it pass them by before.


#1 THE RING (2002)

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“Before you die, you see…The Ring.” This wasn’t just a great tagline dreamed up for the American remake. It’s a warning that actually pays off by the end of the film. The Ring’s plot is almost identical to the Japanese production it’s based on. There are small changes and additions that in my opinion only make the story stronger. The cursed video tape still signals your impending doom within 7 days, but Ehren Kruger’s screenplay provides a simple reason why. It’s not enough to de-mystify our CAGG (now christened “Samara” for US audiences). In fact the simple moment, which I won’t spoil for those who have yet to see the film, actually sends a chill down my spine every time.

This is one of the very few instances where I prefer a remake to the original film. Despite leaving a lot of gaps for viewers to fill in for themselves, there is still more meat to this story’s bones. We’re provided just enough visual cues to piece together a much richer mythology for Samara as opposed to Sadako. In fairness, Kruger had an existing trilogy of films from which to pilfer from and ideas from all three make an appearance here.

In the director’s chair, Verbinski delivers moody imagery in every frame. For better or worse, the cinematography with its cool-toned blues filtered over everything has been imitated repeatedly since the film’s release. While the film’s visual style is worth noting, more importantly, Verbinski knows how to set up a scare. The perfect example is to compare the discovery of the well here to that same scene from Ringu. I’d say there’s no competition.

I’ll never forget dragging my friends and family to see this in theaters for my birthday. I was genuinely terrified throughout. This was my first Ring experience, and I had no idea what to expect. The mystery was captivating without feeling spoon-fed. Yes, The Ring has lost some of its power over me from years of having witnessed various sequels and copycats, but giving this a re-watch has reminded me what a classic of the horror genre Gore Verbinski’s The Ring truly is.


There we have it! That’s my ranking of the six selected films from the Ring saga. Let me know if you agree, disagree, or want me to burn in flames for not appreciating your favorite in the series! How would you rank them all? Sound off below!

Editorials

Fifteen Years Later: A Look Back at the State of Horror in 2009

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Pictured: 'Friday the 13th'

Can you believe it’s already been fifteen years since 2009? I feel older than Jason’s mother’s head. But never mind all that. We’re going to look into the past in celebratory fashion today and take a month-to-month look at what the world of horror looked like back in 2009.

The dreaded month of January kicked things off in usual January fashion with a forgettable title, The Unborn. A David S. Goyer picture that’s not very memorable but managed to be the sixth most successful horror film of 2009 domestically, raking in over $42 million at the box office.

Right behind it on the calendar was Patrick Lussier’s My Bloody Valentine 3D starring “Supernatural” actor Jensen Ackles. This slasher remake took the idea of January horror and embraced it, making a silly and gory slasher that was the world’s first R-rated film to ever use Real3D technology. Anyone looking for legitimate scares was probably pissed (the film has a 44% Rotten “Audience” rating) but genre fans had fun with it to the tune of over $51 million at the box office (on a $14 million budget).

Next up, releasing on January 30 was the sleepy PG-13 horror flick The Uninvited. For the life of me, I’ll never understand the choice to release a movie called The Uninvited two weeks after a movie called The Unborn; to be fair, most of us are unable to remember much about either of them.

The reboot of Friday the 13th was served up to us for Valentine’s Day Weekend 2009. A slasher movie that made a ton of money and had fans begging for a sequel… that never came. The Platinum Dunes reboot may not be universally beloved, but I know a fair share of fans (myself included) who thought the new Jason, Derek Mears, and team made a film that was both fun and brutal. And it was juicy enough to come in as the number three most successful domestic horror film in 2009 to the tune of over $65 million. Friday the 13th ’09 was nowhere near perfect but it was a damn fun time with some underrated Jason Voorhees moments and a sleek plan to tell Jason’s origin story quickly via flashbacks that some superhero franchises could learn from. Oh yeah, and it starred the other “Supernatural” bro, Jared Padalecki. I’m sensing a pattern here.

‘Last House on the Left’

Next up, yet another remake of a classic horror film: The Last House on the Left. Wes Craven wanted to see what his low-budget horror film would look like with a little walking around money and the results were that we, the audience, got to see a dude get his head microwaved. The critics weren’t huge fans but let’s be honest, it could have been a lot worse given the subject matter and lack of nuance in the 2000s. Last House went on to land itself in the top ten horror box office returns of the year.

March would also feature one of the many notches in Kyle Gallner’s horror belt, The Haunting in Connecticut, a movie with maybe too many generic possession genre moments to make a major dent in the status quo but enough to make it memorable. I’d take it over many of The Conjuring franchise spinoffs of today, personally. Though, they’re all very much alike.

April Horror would conjure nothing for audiences but Sam Raimi would bring the loud, scary, and funny back to the genre with Drag Me to Hell on May 29. This film that was somehow still PG-13 even with a cat murder, flying old lady eyeball, and mouth-to-mouth puke action was a blast to experience in the theater. Audiences agreed as the film ranked #7 on the horror box office of the year, cashing out at $42 million thanks to a loveable lead in Alison Lohman, the forever horror victim Justin Long, and some good old-fashioned, Evil Dead II-type fun.

‘Drag Me to Hell’

July would shock horror fans in a completely different way with adoption horror flick Orphan. The ending may have had all of us feeling super uncomfortable and shocked but the movie itself had adoption groups majorly upset at how the film depicted the dangers of adoption. So much so that the studio had to add a pro-adoption message to the film’s DVD. No matter, the performance of Isabelle Fuhrman would carry the film to a $41 million box office run and later spawn a decent prequel in 2022.

Speaking of collecting, The Collector was also released in July 2009 and was a pleasant surprise featuring a shitload of originality and some scares to boot. Yet another horror success that would make $10 million on a $3 million budget and spawn a sequel. We’re still waiting on third installment, which abruptly stopped shooting several years back under strange circumstances.

The fourth Final Destination film graced us with its predestined presence in 2009 as well with The Final Destination; the 3D one with the race car track opening. The film was (stop me if you’ve heard this one before) a financial success, raking in over $186 million (worldwide) on a $40 million budget.

Rob Zombie went Rob Zombie’ing as hard as he’s ever Rob Zombie’d with Halloween II later that month. He’d Rob Zombie so hard that we wouldn’t see Halloween on the big screen again until almost ten years later with Halloween 2018. And nothing controversial ever happened in the franchise again. *Shuts book* Stop trying to open it! NO! NOOOOOOOO!

‘Halloween II’

Another remake in Sorority Row was the first film to follow Rob Zombie’s divisive stab-a-thon with a schlocky Scream-esque slasher flick that had a good enough time and even boasted a few neat kills. Critics weren’t fans of this one but if you were? You’ll be happy to hear that writer Josh Stolberg just announced he’s working on the follow-up!

Sexy Horror September continued a week later with Jennifer’s Body and an all-new, emo kind of Kyle Gallner. Jennifer’s Body didn’t exactly crush it for the critics or the box office but has success in its own right and is considered somewhat of a cult classic thanks to some hilarious writing and leading performances from Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried. Also, shout out to Adam Brody’s band Low Shoulder. Machine Gun Kelly could never.

Part of the low box office for Jennifer’s Body could have had something to do with what came next as Paranormal Activity would rock the horror world a week later. The genius marketing of the low-budget film would feature clips of audiences on night vision cameras losing their minds. Whether it scared you to death or you found the entire concept ridiculous, you had to see it for yourself. Paranormal Activity would bring in almost $200 million worldwide on a 15 THOUSAND dollar budget. I’m no mathematician but I’m pretty sure that’s good. The horror game changer may just be the most remembered of all the 2009 films and it’s one every studio in the world wanted to replicate.

Paranormal Activity game

‘Paranormal Activity’

One film’s game changer is another film’s flop as Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster’s space horror Pandorum had the unfortunate scheduling of lining up against Paranormal Activity on that fateful day and in turn, being mostly forgotten.

Spooky Season 2009 kicked off with the beloved horror-comedy Zombieland in October, complete with Jesse Eisenberg’s meta-rules for surviving a zombie apocalypse, Bill Murray, and Woody Harrelson who just wanted a fuckin’ Twinkie. There’s nothing like a good horror comedy and Zombieland proved that all the way to the bank, making $74 million domestically en route to a second film that brought back the entire cast.

It’s only been twelve seconds since I said the word remake, so let’s fix that. The Stepfather remake would follow a week later and be met by an audience getting a little sick of them. Unlike some of the other spirited remakes that surrounded this era in horror (not that they ever stopped), The Stepfather felt like an uninspired retread of the understated but completely messed up 1987 Terry O’Quinn horror cult classic. It’s largely been forgotten over the years.

“Who am I here?” Oh yeah, it’s October in the 2000, there’s bound to be a Saw movie around here somewhere. Saw VI would be released on the 23rd of October and continue the story of Detective Hoffman while adjusting the rates of some shady insurance adjustors. Saw VI would also fall victim to a little bit of Paranormal Activity mania with the film being bested by the continued rollout of its predecessor. Things were looking a little bleak for the franchise at this point. Probably none of us would have imagined that fifteen years later we’d be talking about the same director (Kevin Greutert) returning for the eleventh movie in the franchise.

The House of the Devil

‘The House of the Devil’

After all these humongous box office successes, sequels, and remakes it would be three memorable indie flicks that would round out October of 2009; the ultra fucked up Willem Dafoe, Lars von Trier sex/horror flick Antichrist, followed by Ti West’s ’70s haunter The House of the Devil and rounded out with some Australian torture horror in Sean Byrne’s The Loved Ones. All three movies each make their mark in their own special ways. What a way to end October.

But it was November that would bring the movie that scared me more than any other on this list: The Fourth Kind. A lot of you are assuredly rolling your eyes right now but this one messed me up on a cellular level despite it being a complete and total fake. The Fourth Kind decided to meld a traditional horror film with the stylings of The Blair Witch Project in an opening designed to make you believe it was based on a true story. An embarrassing attempt but the film itself had me afraid to sleep near windows at night after seeing those found footage abductions. It still messes with me, to be honest. WHY ARE THEIR MOUTHS STRETCHING SO MUCH?!?!

December was too busy doing Avatar and Alvin and the Chipmunks-type family affairs for any horror movies but even without it, 2009 was quite a year for horror. I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least mention some other memorable films that were released either straight to video, limited or overseas that year including Case 39 (that oven opening!), Exam, Daybreakers, Splice, Dead Snow, The Hills Run Red, The Descent 2, Blood Creek, Cabin Fever 2 and [REC] 2.

What were your horror favorites from 2009? Comment below and let us know!

‘My Bloody Valentine’

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